What the
HELL
did I just do today?
I did not want to or mean to tell him but with everything going on TODAY on the same day I guess I just let it slip. Didn't mean to say it but he needs to hear it just the same, I do NOT know. So much happens that we have no control over in life that we may never know. I just know that I don't want to take this from him nor do I want to see people dying in my nightmares any longer. I am so tired of being sick & waiting for life to change to feel better & being stopped at every turn when I try to get there myself. I do not know what to do. I wish to god that the demons that haunt my days would leave me in peace so I could go on with the rest of my life. I look around & see a shell of the person I once was and just keep crying. What happened when, where could it have been stopped? No one knows because there is no answer. But if there is no answer how can we fix it?
Monday, April 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
WOW, it's WHAT month!
OK, I admit I've been feeling pretty crummy late3ly but it's nearly APRIL! Good GOD! OK, I need to go see the doc soon to get my meds changed or something, this is ridiculous, really! So tired of getting sick being sick it sucks to tell you the truth!
OK, Ella update, She's eating REAL food, not that mashed purred yuck that Gerber Sells in the store, lol! Now I have to hide the bakery bag from her too, lol! Soft Squishy croissants, yum yum yum, lol! She's getting a new stroller tomorrow (which means I'm getting one) because she's fallen from the big one TWICE now & I've had size problems with it & all the construction & not fitting on buses & stuff! Jeff & I have some SERIOUS thinking to do about the house issue! After the sewer went all over the place last month, I'm more serious then ever about getting out of this place! I do NOT wanna leave Mauer but unfortunately there is not much available here on a regular basis for a family, of any size! Also took Ella to the baby play group, I liked it & will probably go back, if I don't get snowed in again! ok I gotta go now, I've got stuff to get to.....
OK, Ella update, She's eating REAL food, not that mashed purred yuck that Gerber Sells in the store, lol! Now I have to hide the bakery bag from her too, lol! Soft Squishy croissants, yum yum yum, lol! She's getting a new stroller tomorrow (which means I'm getting one) because she's fallen from the big one TWICE now & I've had size problems with it & all the construction & not fitting on buses & stuff! Jeff & I have some SERIOUS thinking to do about the house issue! After the sewer went all over the place last month, I'm more serious then ever about getting out of this place! I do NOT wanna leave Mauer but unfortunately there is not much available here on a regular basis for a family, of any size! Also took Ella to the baby play group, I liked it & will probably go back, if I don't get snowed in again! ok I gotta go now, I've got stuff to get to.....
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Sick,Sick, Sick
If it's not one thing then it's another. Been sick with 1 thing or another most of January. BUMMER Can't wait til summer comes! The kids also got hit pretty hard too. Poor Drew, his fight with the Flu was pretty bad this year, yuck. Glad that's over.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Bigger Hole, Seeing some light
Yeah I know the cocoon metaphors suck for some people but they work for me, lol! Still managing to keep my sinks up (in fact today was the first morning I didn't do them since I started Wednesday) Got 2 bathrooms done & they are staying done for the most part. Trying to rid them of the hard water staining is tedious but small steps seem to be working there. Still researching the mildew problem. Right now I'm trying to find the right balance between the heating & the ventilation.
About my week, this is the whole point of starting this blog but I've been so TIRED lately that I've been skipping it at night. So it's Saturday afternoon & I've got 15 free minutes to get to this. I was unable to get to the store on Friday, in fact a lot didn't get done correctly. I DID get 2 sinks done & they are staying done. The 3rd I'm having problems with because it's not working properly. Kind of hard to clean without water. The 4th I have to find (it's in the kitchen somewhere, but where is the kitchen, lol) So 2 new lady fish get to join our family. I also didn't get to do the bank since the money came in too late & the bank was closed by then. So I have some stuff to do on monday. Not horrible. The boys drove me NUTS but that was a combination of Everyone being tired & hungry at the end of the day. As compared to being manic, then I wouldn't have cared that they were acting that way & I wouldn't have cared that I was tired either, so definately different, if only in the smaller details. We all felt better after eating but by then Ella just wanted to go HOME! Cried the whole 20 minutes home too! Once we got home she just wanted to lay in bed with me & giggled the first 1/2 hour til she finally dropped off to sleep. No nursing for the first 1/2 hour, she just wanted me in the bed with her. Then she finally ate for about 5 minutes before falling asleep. Still the same today, she just wants me in the bed with her, not doing much. I guess she had too much stimulation yesterday.
I'll let Jeff do some shopping for the stuff he wants & has to buy for work on monday & then on monday I'll go to the bank at the PX then to Denner's for the lady fish. Guess I still have 2 days get get sink #3 done as well. If I look at things that way I don't feel so badly. Maybe I can talk Jeff into Lunch on Monday as well, it all depends on his first day. The first pay check/last paycheck should be a nice combination if it goes the way I think it will. Hopefully Jeff also does the taxes soon, if possible, so that we can get the tax return. I've been trying to figure the Insurance stuff but the Website eludes me. Time to call Tech support I guess. Went to the electrical company on Thursday & we worked out a compromise on the bill so I'm happy about that. We will reevaluate it in Feb. Strange day that was, I had to get into a car with a total stranger but it worked out fine so I guess I handled it well. The adrenaline rush was a little scarey but I got through it. I've been staying awake in the afternoons til 11 or so which is great! Today was the oly exception but Ella & I were just so exhausted from Friday! That's why I skipped the morning routine, it was already past lunch when we got up. I can do more tomorrow. I check the bathrooms & they were fine til tonight. I've been working on the ventilation issue today. I've got 45 more minutes of "me" time til I have to start my evening routine. I hope Ella cooperates. I haven't done any laundry today nor did I get ANY washed yesterday (But then again I wasn't here to do that) so I still have time to get 3 done before I go to sleep tonight so that should work. Oh & I washed the dog last night, poor thing, but it wasn't too cold so I managed that before going to bed. OK this is long enough for now. Hopefully more tomorrow!
About my week, this is the whole point of starting this blog but I've been so TIRED lately that I've been skipping it at night. So it's Saturday afternoon & I've got 15 free minutes to get to this. I was unable to get to the store on Friday, in fact a lot didn't get done correctly. I DID get 2 sinks done & they are staying done. The 3rd I'm having problems with because it's not working properly. Kind of hard to clean without water. The 4th I have to find (it's in the kitchen somewhere, but where is the kitchen, lol) So 2 new lady fish get to join our family. I also didn't get to do the bank since the money came in too late & the bank was closed by then. So I have some stuff to do on monday. Not horrible. The boys drove me NUTS but that was a combination of Everyone being tired & hungry at the end of the day. As compared to being manic, then I wouldn't have cared that they were acting that way & I wouldn't have cared that I was tired either, so definately different, if only in the smaller details. We all felt better after eating but by then Ella just wanted to go HOME! Cried the whole 20 minutes home too! Once we got home she just wanted to lay in bed with me & giggled the first 1/2 hour til she finally dropped off to sleep. No nursing for the first 1/2 hour, she just wanted me in the bed with her. Then she finally ate for about 5 minutes before falling asleep. Still the same today, she just wants me in the bed with her, not doing much. I guess she had too much stimulation yesterday.
I'll let Jeff do some shopping for the stuff he wants & has to buy for work on monday & then on monday I'll go to the bank at the PX then to Denner's for the lady fish. Guess I still have 2 days get get sink #3 done as well. If I look at things that way I don't feel so badly. Maybe I can talk Jeff into Lunch on Monday as well, it all depends on his first day. The first pay check/last paycheck should be a nice combination if it goes the way I think it will. Hopefully Jeff also does the taxes soon, if possible, so that we can get the tax return. I've been trying to figure the Insurance stuff but the Website eludes me. Time to call Tech support I guess. Went to the electrical company on Thursday & we worked out a compromise on the bill so I'm happy about that. We will reevaluate it in Feb. Strange day that was, I had to get into a car with a total stranger but it worked out fine so I guess I handled it well. The adrenaline rush was a little scarey but I got through it. I've been staying awake in the afternoons til 11 or so which is great! Today was the oly exception but Ella & I were just so exhausted from Friday! That's why I skipped the morning routine, it was already past lunch when we got up. I can do more tomorrow. I check the bathrooms & they were fine til tonight. I've been working on the ventilation issue today. I've got 45 more minutes of "me" time til I have to start my evening routine. I hope Ella cooperates. I haven't done any laundry today nor did I get ANY washed yesterday (But then again I wasn't here to do that) so I still have time to get 3 done before I go to sleep tonight so that should work. Oh & I washed the dog last night, poor thing, but it wasn't too cold so I managed that before going to bed. OK this is long enough for now. Hopefully more tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Found a Hole in my "cocoon"
Making some headway in the hole in my cocoon. Ok, metaphor time over. Cleaning the kitchen sink was a little too large a step for me. So I started with the nearest bathroom sink instead. Made sure I did as much as possible without having to leave the room. I have to admit it got a little addictive. OOPS I made a clean spot! And it really does spread. Nearly finished the whole bathroom in 1 hour, & that's including the breaks for the baby. Cats didn't like all the activity, what can I say they ARE cats, but Ella liked the activity. Got my goal reward set for the week. 1 new platinum molly for my tank for each sink that is ready when we leave on Friday!!!!! He's looking so lonely in the tank by himself with all the guppies so he needs a girl or 3. Tank is coming along nicely, been almost a month since the restart, YAY! Alright that's long enough for now. 15 minutes are up, Thanks for letting me type Ella!
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